


ghost

by gothtwink



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Anxiety, Blood, Cutting, Depression, Dog - Freeform, Gen, Hospital ment, Hugging, Mental Illness, No Sexual Content, Passing Out, Relationships can be read as platonic or romantic, Self-Harm, Swearing, Vomit, Yelling, anger issues, blood ment, graphic self harm stuff, med ment, really triggering shit, therapy ment, throw up, tw throw up, tw vomit, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:21:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27098773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gothtwink/pseuds/gothtwink
Summary: Ethan calls Mark at 2 am (trigger warning for graphic self harm)
Relationships: Ethan Nestor/Amy Nelson, Mark Fischbach/Amy Nelson, Mark Fischbach/Ethan Nestor, Mark Fischbach/Ethan Nestor/Amy Nelson
Comments: 18
Kudos: 235





	ghost

**Author's Note:**

> this is a vent fic. this doesnt reflect real life at all. im simply projecting onto people cause im gross and detached from reality. anyway hope you enjoy. maybe not enjoy. idk

He calls Mark, trying not to cry. It's nearly 2 am and he doesn't expect him to pick up. He does. 

"Ethan? What the hell man it's the middle of the night," Mark doesn't sound angry, but he sure doesn't sound happy. His voice is scratchy and it sounds like he's shifting around in bed. 

Ethan tries to speak but he can't make the words come out. He suddenly regrets this. "Never mind," he chokes out, voice trembling. 

"Ethan, what's wrong?" Mark asks, sounding more awake and concerned. 

Ethan doesn't respond. He can't. What's wrong? Fucking everything. 

"Where are you?" Mark asks, trying again, with hopefully a less loaded question.

"My place," Ethan says quietly. More specifically he's on his bathroom floor, which has blood on it but Mark doesn't need to know that. 

"Do I need to come over?" Mark is shuffling around already getting dressed and waking up Amy in the process. 

Ethan shakes his head, but then he realizes Mark can't see him. "No."

"Should I bring Amy too?" Mark asks. 

"No- no it's fine, I'm fine, you don't have to come over, I don't know why I called," Ethan says all at once, finally able to speak. 

"Can you find Spencer and pet him until we get there?" Mark asks. He motions at Amy to get up and get dressed. She seems confused but complies anyway. 

Ethan is suddenly aware of the sound of scratching for the other side of the bathroom door. He opens it and Spencer runs in. He sits himself in front of Ethan and starts licking his face. Ethan pets him with his good arm. His head feels so fuzzy, like Spencer's fur, he thinks to himself. 

Suddenly he is snapped back to reality by Mark saying his name. "Ethan are you going to be okay while I'm driving?" He grabs his keys and coat and slips his shoes on. 

"Yeah," he replies, suddenly losing his words again. 

"Okay, we'll be there soon." Mark replies, putting Chica and Henry in their crates. 

"'Kay" Ethan says. He lays, eyes closed, on the tile waiting for Mark and Amy. His arm throbs but thats an issue for later. He feels so far from his own body and emotions. Oh well, he doesn't like his body anyway. Not with all the scars and such. 

"What's going on?" Amy asks, coming downstairs, dressed and ready to leave. 

"Something is wrong with Ethan but I have no idea what," Mark says as they walk to his car. "He sounded really out of it, and he called at 2 am which is weird by itself."

The 20 minute drive lasts forever but when they arrive Mark uses his spare key to open the door. Everything seems fine far. They start to walk back to Ethan's room but Amy notices the bathroom door is ajar, and the light is on. Mark pushes the door open. 

"Fuck" is all he says. Ethan is passed out on the bathroom floor. Spencer has his head resting on Ethan's thigh. There's a blood soaked towel laying on one of his arms. He moves to pick up towel, which startles Spencer, and wakes up Ethan. 

Ethan groans and sits up. He sees Mark and Amy in the doorway and flinches, like he didn't expect them there. He hides his arm but it doesn't erase the horrified looks off of their faces. Ethan starts to spiral. He shouldn't have called. They shouldn't have came. They're going to leave him. They're going to lock him up and leave him. Ethan's breathing starts to pick up, and he feels his eyes fill with tears. 

Suddenly, he feels a hand on his shoulder. 

"Ethan..." Mark doesn't know what he planned on saying. He hesitates, but he decides he needs to know how bad the damage is. "Can we see your arm?"

Ethan quickly shakes his head. Tears start to fall. 

"Ethan we need to see how bad it is. We might need to go to the hospital," Amy says softly. 

Ethan lets out a sob and curls up in ball, like he's trying to hide. Mark rubs his back and glances at Amy. They look at each other and it's clear they're both scared. 

Ethan's crying slows down a bit and he chokes out "No hospital, please. I'm sorry."

"If you won't go to the ER then we need to clean and cover those," Mark says. 

"I'll do it, I don't want you guys to see," Ethan replies, trembling. He feels nauseous at the idea of his friends seeing and touching his cuts. 

"We've already seen them Eth, please let us help you." Amy sounds so sad yet sincere, it breaks Ethan and he nods slowly. 

Mark helps him stand and he leans against the sink. Amy gets a washcloth, wets it, and starts wiping down the cuts under warm running water. The she adds soap to the cloth and does the same thing again. Mark gets a different towel and pats the area dry, then they wrap gauze around all the cuts, covering nearly his entire forearm. 

"You need to change your shirt" Amy says softly. Ethan looks down and sees blood on the sleeve of his shirt and the side. He nods and shuffles towards the door. Mark uses the wet washcloth to wipe the blood off the bathroom floor while Amy helps him change into a comfortable black long sleeve shirt. 

Mark comes in the room and takes Ethan's stained shirt and then puts it in the washer with the blood covered rags. 

He walks into Ethan's living room to see Ethan curled up in the middle of his couch, and Amy sitting beside him, rubbing his calf. 

He sits on the other side of Ethan by his head. He and Amy share a glance over Ethan, both unsure of how to proceed. Ethan's arms are tucked into his chest. Mark puts his hands on his shoulder and he curls up tighter into his ball but otherwise he doesn't seem upset by Mark's presence. 

Ethan sniffles a bit and yawns. Mark pulls a blanket off the back of the couch and covers him up. His breathing evens out quickly. He so exhausted from tonights events he couldn't have stayed awake standing up. 

"So this is worse than I thought," Mark says once he's sure Ethan is out. Amy nods. 

"How the hell do we help with this?" she says quietly. 

Mark pulls out his phone, "Therapist? Psychiatrist? I don't know."

"He has scars and we didn't notice," she whispers. 

Mark sighs and says "We can't blame ourselves. What matters is we know now, and we do what we can to help."

"Yeah..."

Silence fills the room. 

"We should be here when he wakes up," Mark decides. Amy nods and pulls the end of the blanket on Ethan over herself. Mark pulls out his phone and tries to distract himself from his thoughts. Its now 3 am. He sighs. He shuts off his phone and tries to get comfortable. 

His eyes slip closed without him noticing. Next things he knows he's woken up by soft sobbing. Ethan isn't beside him. He jumps up to go find him. The light to the bathroom is on. Mark's stomach rolls as he walks up to the door for the second time that night. He opens the door to see Ethan sobbing over the toilet. The room smells like vomit. 

Mark grabs a rag from the cabinet, wets it, and hands it to Ethan. He flushes the toilet, and then watches Ethan clean himself up. Ethan eventually stands and Mark gets the urge to hug him, so he opens his arms as a silent offer. Ethan takes the opportunity and allows himself to bury his face in Mark's shoulder. Mark hugs him like he's worried he'll disappear if he lets go. When Ethan thinks about it he realizes this is the first hug he's had in months. He lets out a shuddery breath and steps back. 

"I don't-" Ethan cuts himself off, not knowing what to say. 

"I think you need to sleep," Mark says.

"I just woke up," Ethan replies weakly. 

"In a bed, for more than a couple hours," Mark replies, assuming he didn't sleep for long since it's still dark out. 

They leave the bathroom and see Amy awake on the couch. Her expression is unreadable in the darkness. She stands up and the three of them walk to Ethan's bedroom. He seems out of it as he stumbles into his room and lays face first on his bed. He leaves room for Mark and Amy and they join him. They all manage to fall asleep quickly, probably due to long and stressful night.

Mark wakes up before them, later than normal but early considering everything that had happened the night before. He begins to process what happened and dread fills him. If he hadn't woken up when Ethan had called...

Mark gets out of bed, goes to the bathroom and then goes to Ethan's kitchen. He needs to do something, he can't go down the road of "What ifs?" He starts quietly making coffee, trying not to wake the others in the bedroom. 

He sits at the kitchen table, listening to the coffee maker steam. After a moment Amy and Ethan walk in. They both look tired. Mark assumes he looks the same. 

"Did I wake you guys up?" he asks. 

Ethan shakes his head and Amy shrugs. They sit with Mark. They sit in silence.

Mark sighs, "What'd you use?"

Ethan snaps his head up to look at Mark. "Wha-"

"There wasn't anything in the floor with you left night you could've used." Mark says, his gaze serious. 

Ethan gets up and Mark gets up to follow him, not sure what he's doing. He walks to his room, over to his hamper, and takes out the shorts he was wearing last night. He reaches in the pocket and pulls out a blade. Mark holds his hand out and Ethan gently places it in his palm. They walk back into the kitchen. Mark shows Amy the blade and she relaxes, glad Ethan has one less tool to hurt himself with. 

"You need to talk to someone." Mark says, sitting back down at the table. 

"I am", Ethan replies shortly. Mark's surprised, he didn't know Ethan had gone back therapy. 

"Then you need to try meds again, if you're hurting yourself then therapy alone probably isn't enough and-"

"I am," Ethan says aggressively. "Just cause you think I'm not trying hard enough to take care of myself doesn't make it true. Pills and therapy won't magically fix me, it's a fucking addiction."

"You've cut before?" Amy asks sadly.

Ethan looks at his lap. "I've been dealing with it fine, sometimes things just get a little out of hand. I was scared last night. Otherwise I wouldn't have called."

Mark and Amy share a sad look. Fuck, this was worse than they thought. 

"You know we're always here for you Ethan," Mark says, trying to keep his level, "You can call us anytime."

Ethan's brow furrows and he replies a little too loudly "No I can't, cause now you guys think I'm fucking insane!" 

The room is quiet after Ethan's outburst. The coffee maker beeps and Ethan gets up from the table to make himself coffee. He swears and makes Mark and Amy coffee too. He's spent enough late nights and early mornings with them to know how they like it. This is closest he'll allow himself to get to apologizing for yelling at them, but he's still angry. Angry at himself for relapsing, angry at Mark and Amy for coming over, angry at everything. 

He sets down their coffees and his own on the table before sinking into his chair. 

"What can we do to help?" Amy asks. Ethan tempted to say "leave me alone" but he knows that won't go down so he shrugs. Mark frowns. He hates being able to do nothing. 

"Can I hug you?" she asks. Ethan shrugs. Amy stands up and wraps her arms around his shoulders. She holds him for a minute, but lets go when he starts to shake. When she pulls away she sees hes crying. He starts to sob harder when he realizes his friends are starring at him but then Amy draws him into another hug and Mark joins them. 

He rubs Ethan's back and says "You're going to be okay." Ethan doesn't believe him for a second, but he closes his eyes and allows the tears to fall as he soaks up the warmth of their embrace.

**Author's Note:**

> if you get the title reference ily but also get help lmao


End file.
